Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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