You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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