That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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