She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
