yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
