Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
