After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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