i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
