You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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