you didnt know i had herpes?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
