South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
