Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
