She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
