You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
We're like a lot better than the average bears
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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