How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
