he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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