Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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