so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
