I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
