So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
