Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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