Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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