he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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