Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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