U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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