When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
