Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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