Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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