he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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