I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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