You just made me feel so damn special
Where did you get a picture of my penis
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
