I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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