And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
