They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
