i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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