My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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