I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
