the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
