barbara walters just said penis...
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
