u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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