Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
