Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
