it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
