I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Green mimosas i think yes
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
