Can Purell be used as lube?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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