you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
