It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
