we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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