all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
