Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
