put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
