He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
