I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
