took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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