Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
