btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
