Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
