There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
