Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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