I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
